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wBeverly's Journal |
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This is my Journal. If you stop by, leave a comment. Thanks!
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wMarch 21, 2002 |
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I spent all of lunch and half of fifth period worrying about Washington U. I called three times, but to no avail. The lady there is never at her office!!! Anyway, good riddens! I'll show them one day in the future... I'll win a Nobel Prize, and they'll be sorry!!! Hah! Well, if you're wondering how the tables turned the way they did... it's because I received an email from Reed. You need to go here: Reed
I am in a much better mood.
At the board meeting today, I realized that I have but three meetings or so left before I must give up my position. I feel like I've done nothing! I went berserk with my camera... taking pictures with everyone and everything. I think politics may be in my future: it involves working with people, it involves public speaking, and it involves doing good for the people. Now, if only there wasn't that fake facade... I hate things that are fake.
posted by
Beverly at 11:02 PM
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Today was Youth in Government Day. I had fun, once again. The only difference between last time and this time was that I found the networking much more productive than most of the things we did with the city officials. I probably will be emailing the other four student council members for a long time. At the least, Jessica and I can gang up against Bryan. On the up side, I gave the pledge back to Andrew. =)
I didn't post anything yesterday, nor did I post anything last night for the sole reason that I was physically unable to... after all, when one is crying, it is hard to even walk out of the comforts of one's own bedroom (thank goodness we have a cordless phone now!). I thought Washington U was going to be a sort of "back up school"... maybe I was wrong. It really isn't about not getting into Washington U... it's about the 6 other places to which I have applied -- my menality: if WUSTL can stick me on a "wait list"... so can Harvard, so can UPenn, so can Cornell, etc. The only difference? Harvard, UPenn and Cornell will probably flat out turn me down. After talking with Mr. Higger, I finally could admit to myself that they are right... I really am not the substance behind the grade. Yes, I get straight A's, but the A's mean nothing. All you have to do to get an A in high school is listen in class... and it is that simple because no one else listens in class. In order to get an A, all you have to do is be better than your competitors. I know I'm not a genius... I'm not even "intelligent." I am just a hard-working person who finds pleasure in being busy. Intelligence, as I see it, would be a combination of Gary, Kunal, Phillip, and Sean. If a complete stranger sat in 3rd period history, he could obviously see that the wheels are turning in their heads... I, on the other hand, am usually completely lost until I go home and read the text. Now that I have no time to even do that, I am falling farther and farther behind. About my application, I was too busy living life and too busy doing the things, that I could not even put sufficient time and effort into my application and into my essays (I wrote most of my applications past the stroke of 12)! Most other students do the activities to have things to put on their applications... I, on the other hand, do the activities because I like to do them... the application and the resume is just something to "keep the score." I never realize these things until I talk with Mr. Higger... he is someone I would consider wise, and I'll sure miss him when I go off to college. If I ever had a chance to do what Mitch Albom did with his professor on Tuesdays, the teacher with whom I would meet would probably be Mr. Higger... Yes, it sounds cheesy now, but I have learned more from him than I have learned from any other teacher. Not only that, but the things that I learn from him are not facts and formulae... I learn about my own nature from the outside perspective... I have learned how to "win friends and influence people."... Anyway... back to the subject of Washington U... The thing that scared me most was that I might not end up with any college at all... Mr. Higger suggested that I take a year off... but when he said that, I could not believe what he was telling me... I don't think I've ever thought about anything but going to college after high school (and directly the fall after high school). I guess I could get a job for a year, travel, take a break... but then where would I go? My credentials would be the same after the year is up as it is now... and I won't get into any colleges again... so what's the whole point of everything?! If death is nothingness, then why bother?! I don't know! I'm really confused, and I need sleep. One last quick note... Bryan Lingle got into WUSTL, and Andrew Roach got into UPenn. I guess all I can do is wait.
posted by
Beverly at 12:27 AM
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wMarch 18, 2002 |
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To a lighter subject, I just got back from Senior Night at Medieval Times. We had a lot of fun! We cheered for the Yellow Knight (his name is Kevin... we asked him afterward). Kennedy was there (including some familiar faces: Ria, David, and Jason) cheering for the Green Knight, and Andrew was there (from Katella) sitting with us in the Yellow section. Just when we thought our guy had completely lost it, he came back and became the champion. Though I really wanted to be the "Queen of Love and Beauty," I had to settle for a carnation from our Knight (who, by the way, can be described in one word: yeOWW!!!). Can I post pictures onto this blog? Well, when I get the photos developed, you'll see what I mean.
posted by
Beverly at 10:00 PM
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Now that this weblog is working from home, I can actually sit down and write something intellectual... Today in TOK, we talked about death. What do I think of death? Well, let me explain (since no one can interrupt me when I'm writing). I know that I do not understand the meaning of life, and I know that I probably never will discover the meaning of life. I have tried the religious thing... and, frankly, I do not see what all those religious people see when they read the Bible. An afterlife? Heaven? Hell? Hardly likely. Maybe it's my scientific, black-and-white approach, but I honestly believe that death is nothingness. So why worry about death? I figure that when I die, I will not be able to realize that I am dead, and thus, there is no reason to fear death. I mean, I fear lots of other things, but never death. I mentioned in TOK that sometimes people stop themselves from suicide because they fear the pain that they may go through if they do not succeed in killing themselves, and I do not say this without any substance either -- I once contemplated overdosing on iron (suicide? maybe. but then again, everyone thinks about it). I didn't do it because I wasn't sure what the effect would be. What if the pills didn't kill me? I wasn't afraid of the nothingness, I was afraid of the agony and pain that would come with the poisoning up until death. What if I ended up mentally impaired? I don't think I would have been able to live with myself if I could not do the things I am able to do as a healthy human being. Was that a "false no-will-to-live?" or was that a "real no-will-to-live?" It has been a year, and I hardly remember why the whole situation led itself to that point, so it must have been a false no-will-to-live. So... death and nothingness... In Les Jeux Sont Faits, Jean Paul Sartre tells the story about two people who died, but then were brought back to life. The description of the world of the dead past La Rue Laguenesie... it makes you think... but then again, it makes you disbelieve the world that Sartre describes -- how can hundreds of generations of people roam the Earth? It is just impossible. This is why death must equate nothingness. Mind is vanished, Spirit is vanished, and all that is left is the Body, here to slowly lose its Carbon-14. One day, there will not be enough room, physically, on Earth to house the billions and billions of ancestry who have passed away. I am glad that I will not live to see that day. I know that now I am just typing whatever comes to mind on the subject of death, so I might as well put forth another one of my ideas on death: perhaps when one dies, one is reincarnated into another being. For instance, this life as "Beverly" may be my 5th life, may be my 10th life, may be my 1000th life... who knows? When one is reincarnated, one would not retain memory from a previous life. Maybe in my last life, I was a convict, perhaps my spirit has not always been female, perhaps I was, at one time, Swiss or French or Australian. Maybe death does not really mean nothingness... maybe it is, like Mr. Higger said, a transitory period between one life and the next. Perhaps the moment I die, a child is newly born with my spirit. I become that child (or, that child becomes me). I haven't really thought this second theory out all the way... but it is interesting, and it could be true, seeing as no proof to contradict it exists. No memory of past lives... What if, in a previous life, I was thinking about this theory, as I am thinking about it now? But I do not remember it, so this is a new thought for me. So many things boggle my mind... I need to sit down and just think for a day or two. Being the strong atheist I am, it scares me when I have a strange fear that there is a god or some being with magical powers who is playing the Earth as we would a game of chess. I shall end this post here, as I am off to Medieval Times.
posted by
Beverly at 5:05 PM
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Woo hoo! I got this thing to work at school! Yay! Okay, I'm going to third period now. =)
posted by
Beverly at 10:17 AM
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wMarch 17, 2002 |
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What did I do to my blog?! I can't even get to my edit page!!!
posted by
Beverly at 6:08 PM
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I can't figure out how to change the template!!! What in the world is an "Error 104?" This is so frustrating! I shall return soon to retackle the problem.
posted by
Beverly at 6:06 PM
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Grrrr... I can't get rid of this ugly template!!! I am getting frustrated, so I shall sign off and do something else. What in the world is an "Error 104;java.lang.NullPointerException (server:leap)"?!!!?!?!
posted by
Beverly at 6:00 PM
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Wow... my first weblog. I really have no clue what I am doing right now, so I'll just post this first entry to see what this "edit your blog" screen really does. (And you know what Gary? This is all your fault, because you pointed out the fact that I do not update my homepage!)
posted by
Beverly at 5:49 PM
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