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wBeverly's Journal |
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This is my Journal. If you stop by, leave a comment. Thanks!
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wMarch 27, 2002 |
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I am in second period now. I find myself heartless in the sense that I do not realize it when my peers are absent, and yet they are immediately concerned about me if I am absent. Perhaps my journal entries before on the subject of death warrant such concern. Well, back to class.
posted by
Beverly at 9:20 AM
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wMarch 26, 2002 |
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Festival: Take two. 9:00 pm. Everyone shows up. Schroeder gives us a talk beforehand in the green room. Mike apologizes. He seems sincere. I must apologize to him for judging him too quickly. Apparently, he had an audition for a bass part in an orchestra; he planned his schedule too tight (not allowing for traffic in between)... Hmm... sounds like me. I understand because I have the same problems with my activities.
We have barely enough time to play Bach chorale #12 and a few scales. The usher calls us to the auditorium for our performance.
That was amazing. There's no other word for it. I do not think I have ever heard our band play that well. Everything clicked. Even the audience could feel the compound duple meter and could feel the time signature change to simple triple. Sonority was there. As always, there are the couple flies on the cake. The trumpet part has always been out of tune at the meno mosso. (but then again, I don't particularly like trumpets... or that could just be because I have lived through six years of band with these trumpet players). The run at 16 could have gone smoother, and the flute soli at the end of the middle section could have been more in tune. Overall, though, both pieces went really well.
I just have one word, then, left to say: SUPERIOR.
posted by
Beverly at 10:14 PM
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Festival: we were all supposed to be seated for warm up at 5:00 in the auditorium. People trickled in after 5:00. One person never showed up. We didn't perform. Not having played a single note in exhibition, we left, with the intent to go back at 9:00 tonight (and with our principal horn player). I do not know what to think about Mike. He is a brilliant musician, yet his temper clashes with Schroeder's, and an innocent skiff this morning blew up into this fiasco tonight. Perhaps Mike is a bit too proud, but then again, his talent warrants it. But I keep drawing myself back to Mike's musical ability. I am sure that I will one day soon read about him in the President's Own Marine Band or the LA Phil or something. I do admire Mike's musical talent, but I cannot, at whatever the circumstances, admire a person who would let down an entire 60-piece wind ensemble to spite one band director.
posted by
Beverly at 7:55 PM
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Wow... I have nothing to do right now. Amazing, eh? I just got back from school (and am still wondering where my music theory test is... I remember taking it, but obviously Mr. McKee didn't record it). The band festival is still going on... hence all the tuxedos walking around school. Our performance time is at 5:30 tonight. Though I am excited to get The Hounds of Spring recorded, I am a bit worried, considering our poor performance this morning. Until then, I'll just waste some time by writing in my blog.
The meaning of life... I spent a few minutes in the IB office today after school discussing this... Is there a purpose? Is the purpose that we can think? How does thinking make it all worthwhile? We'll all be gone in the end. But is it really about the journey? The thing I am worried about is the nothingness that will come after -- will death really mean nothingness? If it does, then there's nothing to worry about because I won't know that I am in a state of nothingness because there will be no me left to think it. About the journey? Life is a journey, I will agree with that. But will the journey matter if you end up as nothing in the end? The question then came up, "Why not end it now?" Why? Because you might as well live while you have the chance, and who cares if you're going to end up as nothing in the end? Revel in the moment. I'm just babbling now... I'll move onto another topic that is perhaps on a more solid topic...
Everything we "have to do" can be classified into four categories. I didn't realize this, but yesterday, we had a nice discussion on this topic. There are the following:
1. Urgent and important
2. Urgent and not important
3. Not urgent and important
and 4. Not urgent and not important
Need examples? For scenario #1 (urgent and important), think of things like making money to pay for food, home, etc. (the necessary things). For scenario #2, think of things like going to see a concert when your favorite band is going to be in town for a limited engagement. For scenario #3, think of things like finding your niche in life, taking the time to realize what it is you love, and keeping relationships strong. For scenario #4, think of things like watching television after you realize that the show you turned on to see was over about two hours ago.
Of the four areas, we spend way too much time in categories one and four. We do not spend enough time in area three... and that is where I am finding the most complications now. I do not spend enough time with my family, and I have not given myself enough time to slow down and realize what it is I'd like to do when I go to college and become an adult. I am so confused!!! What do I do with the rest of my life!!?!? And is it worth it if all is nothingness in the end?
posted by
Beverly at 4:26 PM
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wMarch 25, 2002 |
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I just got back from Tustin Unified's Board Meeting. I had a lot of fun... it was a pretty interesting meeting. Many parts are similar to the Anaheim Union Board Meetings. Some major differences I saw were: the TUSD board members are more vocal about their points of view, and they are not afraid to ask questions, even though it may drag the meeting on another extra half hour. The TUSD board members are younger, and perhaps more inexperienced. From what I saw, there was a lot of confusion as to what each item on the agenda meant... They spent an hour arguing about the drug-sniffing dogs... and it didn't even matter because it was on the agenda just to ask the staff to research it further for another meeting!!! They pulled four of the consent calendar items... and they brought up questions that should have been asked and answered prior to the meeting!!!
Perhaps the funniest thing was that, at the end, there were four people left in the audience (including myself), and of the remaining audience, 25% was not even from Tustin!!! :)
By the way, the beginning of the meeting was a bashfest... teachers complaining about a 2.1% COLA (Cost of Living Allowance)... when the Orange County average is 3.78% or so. I wanted to yell at those teachers... to reprimand them for doing their jobs for the money and not for the enjoyment, not for the students. You don't become a teacher to make money; if your goal in life is to make money, you wouldn't become a teacher (not to put down teachers or what they do, because some of the people I admire most are teachers). Teachers are what they are because they truly care about what they are doing. One of the parents who spoke his 5 minutes tonight on the subject told a story of his life: he had been making $65,000 a year as a manager at a restaurant... and he left it because he loved working with children. Now that is what I would call admirable.
We talked about money in TOK today. Why can't you be like that man? Enjoy life as you work, enjoy life as you play, enjoy life as you live. Does life have to be separated into work and play? If you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Perhaps one can be happy and feel happy at the same time, all the time. I'm too tired to think now... I shall resume this entry at a later date.
posted by
Beverly at 11:03 PM
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"My day is from the moment I wake up hoping to talk to her until the moment that I know I won't talk to her again before I fall asleep."
Isn't this the sweetest thing you've ever heard? Okay, I'm not thinking clearly any more... I need to catch up on sleep. You know, if you guys would stop updating your weblogs, I would be able to shut off my computer and go to sleep!
posted by
Beverly at 12:13 AM
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wMarch 24, 2002 |
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"I was listening to people laugh today, and it occurred to me how strange laughing is. Consider the actual action of laughing. What the hell is it? I mean, I can see it possibly as a way to release excess electrical energy, but of all the ways to do it... I find myself laughing all the time, even in serious situations. I wonder why I laugh so much more than other people... and I'm definitely not alone... there are certain people who always laugh at things. I'm assuming it has to do with situation and personality, although I do laugh a lot regardless of the situation. It is rather therapeutic in a sense." -Kunal
Which brings us back to the TOK discussion about emotions. Do we laugh because we were somehow taught that we should laugh when something is funny? But then what explains babies' laughter? Obviously, they are not at a point in their lives to be taught anything. Is laughter an inherent trait? A skill we are born knowing when and how to use? I agree with Kunal that there are many other ways the expression can be publicly shown. Laughing... if the world developed any other way, I wonder if we'd even realize that a laugh would be what it is today. But thank goodness laughter exists... the world would be a boring place without it -- and if not the world, certainly second and third period would be a lot less interesting.
posted by
Beverly at 11:53 PM
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I just thought I might add that I should be doing a music paper on major/minor scales vs. modal scales. Instead, I am sprucing up my journal. Back to work.
posted by
Beverly at 8:39 PM
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I went to church this morning... shocking, eh? No, not because I finally accepted everything they've told me, but rather to see my sister get baptized. She's about the complete opposite of me when it comes to religion. I used to go to church on Sundays, and my parents would tell me when to bow my head or when to sing, or when to read a passage, or even when to put my money in the coffer. Today, it was completely different story. I did go, but I did not participate. I sat there, I stood for praise, but I did not sing. I was quiet throughout the service, but I did not bow my head for prayer. I did not put money in the coffer. I did, however, listen to what the pastor was saying. In my mind, I could only categorize his words as "fake." I still do not believe in it.
About last night, I have one thing to tell anyone reading this... when you go to a musical event, do not close your eyes to listen to the music, or the people with you will think you are sleeping. Yes I was tired, but I was not sleeping. The reason I close my eyes to listen to good music is that it allows one to hear all the parts that are being played. I realize that I do that even in the middle of Hounds, at the meno mosso, the horn soli. If I keep my eyes open, I can't hear things like the bass line, and I can't hear things like the clarinet off beats. In fact, in the very beginning of Verdi's requiem, one cannot hear how soft the piano is that opens and closes the piece unless one closes one's eyes. It's amazing what you can hear with your eyes closed. With eyes open, one sees the violin bows moving up and down in unison, and therefore one concentrates on the sounds that originate from those instruments. But what about the cellos? The basses? The wind section? Sometimes, the harmony and the counter melody sound much more interesting than the melody itself. As for the solo singers last night, it was great how they corresponded with the orchestra and with the rest of the singers... with my eyes closed, I could hear the difference between the ensemble with or without certain part soloists. After they would switch soloists, I would open my eyes to see if I had heard the switch correctly. As for the ensemble as a whole, the instrumentalists work together to produce a wondrous sound of both volume and sonority. The chorus blends well with the instrumental ensemble -- which, sad to say, is something we do not have when we play with the choir at our school.
Have you ever had that feeling that your heart just wanted to explode or that you just wanted to scream or do something other than just sit there and stay perfectly still to watch a concert? Well, last night, there were points in the Requiem that were just so great that I could feel my heart almost skip a beat, and I would have to hold myself down to prevent myself from jumping up and screaming at the top of my lungs... I wanted to hear more of those parts, but at the same time, I wanted it to end soon so I could go outside and let myself breathe.
This brings me back to the church music this morning -- and I realized the difference between music that affects me and music that doesn't. I could not close my eyes to hear the church music... I was still behind a day and a half in sleep, so I was just as tired as I was the day before. The music was just so simple and hollow... there wasn't any point in closing my eyes...
...Just a comment on good music.
posted by
Beverly at 7:48 PM
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